Autism · Depression · family · Food · Life · Money · Normal · Sleep · truth · WTeF

Where is the “end” of your rope?

Mine is slowly creeping up on me and I don’t think I like it.

My week has been slowly going downhill, and most certainly not in a “Weeeeeeeee, this is fun” kind of way (more like a “Are you F-ing kidding me?”). You know, when all the problems in your life start blending together in a cacophony of rage, frustration, disappointment, and sadness!?

My autistic son has decided that he needs to start picking his pull-ups apart until they fall off (whether they are soiled or not), and no amount of reasoning, pleading or reprimand is helping. His pull-ups are freaking expensive, and I cannot afford for him to be wasting them like this. Plus the mess that’s made if he does it while it’s full… And standing over him, like a hawk, 24/7 isn’t really an option.

My daughter has decided that if I do not do or say what she wants, then she will just scream at me “I hate you” or “I don’t want you”. She’s 5. I have no idea where she picked up this kind of talk, but it’s so disheartening to hear.

My relationship is falling apart. We both are starting to resent each other for various reasons; and this isn’t something that can be “talked” about – it’s going to end in a full blown yelling match – because even after 20 yrs, we have not learned to “communicate” with each other properly.

On top of all this:

  • My body has started feeling weird with the new vegan diet. It was great at first, but now I feel run down and hungry all the time. And, I can’t stop craving crap that I wouldn’t normally eat; Ramen, McDonalds, Doritos, etc.
  • I can easily sleep for 12 hours, if allowed, and still be tired.
  • My freaking foot is still bruised, sore, and only functioning at 60% or so.
  • My son has decided fruit is no longer a viable food group.
  • My finances are tight every payday, and things keep “popping up” that need to be paid “right now”.

I try so hard to be the “positive” thinker, and let as much roll off my shoulder as I possibly can, but things are catching up to me. Little known fact about me: I haven’t been able to cry since we found out my sons diagnosis (then I wept for 2 days straight). I’m sure some of you are thinking this is a sign of strength, or heroic stoicism, but I can assure it is NOT good for the mind, body or soul. I feel like my emotions are “constipated”, like complete “blockage” that needs surgery. It most certainly doesn’t help that I don’t really get time off from the family or “life”. Vacation? Ha, WTF is that?

I apologize for basically just “ranting”, but that is technically why I started this blog to begin with. Who needs friends when you can just share your BS with the entire world! Lucky for me, very few (5 maybe) people even read my crap blog. Being able to vent – to anyone, or anything – is a bit of a help. Granted, it in no way makes me feel better, but I got it off my chest, and maybe that will lesson the severity of it all.

So, here’s to hoping all my problems end up with solutions – sooner rather than later, please – but until then, I have my wine… And, it’ll have to do.


2 thoughts on “Where is the “end” of your rope?

  1. Dunno about the rest of what’s going on but I might have an idea about your son picking his pullup apart. Could it be bothering him? Is it too tight? Too loose? Not breathable enough that it makes him itchy “down there?” He might need powder.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s